Thursday, September 2, 2010
You may have read that I gained alot of weight over my "weekend." That lead to a terrible day on Tuesday. My blood pressure kept dropping. At one time it was 80/50. If you've never experienced that before you should feel lucky. I got light-headed, cold and sweaty, and just felt like I was dying. They slowed things down for a while but tried to speed them up again. It just wasn't working. My pressure kept dropping and they finally decided that we wouldn't get it all off. I left a little heavy, but at least I felt a bit better.
I spent some time with Anna after that and then picked Alli up at school. When I came home I had a complete meltdown. I was feeling very sorry for myself. I haven't cried since Anna was born. I think I finally let myself be sad about our situation. I have spent so much time convincing myself that Anna is fine. But this isn't normal, and Anna isn't normal at this point, and our lives are not normal. Tuesday was the first time I asked the question, "Why me?" What did I do to deserve this? What did Jason do to deserve me? Why will Alli and Anna have to grow up with a "sick" mom? It's not fair. Jason is trying to convince me to just plow through it and just deal with what we've been dealt. That's getting harder and harder.
I didn't get to see Anna yesterday, and neither did Jason. She had no visitors and that makes me sad. Jason had Open House and I had my fistula worked on. The doctor did an angioplasty on my arm and it should be ready to use in a couple of weeks. The procedure itself wasn't too bad. It's a little achy right now but I was surprised that I was able to sleep without too much trouble. They just used a needle and small catheter, so no incision. Just a small band-aid.
The doctors didn't call with an update on Anna yesterday, but our goal is still to get her into a regular crib by the end of the week. Feeding with a bottle is next. She had to have her feeding tube changed earlier this week because each feeding was taking too long. They gave her a bigger tube so the formula would move faster. Hopefully that means she's going to gain weight faster, too.
Posted by Kidney Mom at 8:05 AM