I had a bad night sleeping last night. For the first time in a long time I had trouble breathing. It was scary cause it felt like I did when I was pregnant. I'm not sure if it's because of my cough or because of the weight I gained. I gained 2.6 kilos (5.7 pounds). That's alot for me, but not alot for other people. Some come in up 8 or 9 kilos after a weekend. I could tell that I gained alot. I noticed it in my mid-section. My pants didn't fit well yesterday. That's odd for me. I usually notice the weight in my face. They are going to take off 3.6 kilos and see how I feel when I leave. In the meantime, I'm on oxygen...just like the 'good old days.'
It was wonderful and difficult at the same time. It's hard to explain, but I'll try. Christmas Eve was just as normal. We went to my parents' house and opened gifts. This year we weren't able to give my parents what they deserve. They have done so much for us and we just couldn't repay them.
After that we went to church and then to my uncle's house. Again, we weren't able to buy the gifts we used to, so a couple of kids had their feelings hurt. I felt terrible. And after a $10 gift card exchange, Jason and I left with ALL of the gift cards. So nice, but I feel like a big loser.
Christmas morning was the best, and the worst, I think. Our Christmas Angel at school supplied nearly all of the gifts we opened. Alli was not at all disappointed and she kept saying all day that she had a great Christmas. But what kind of Mom can't buy her kids Christmas gifts? Again, I felt like a loser. I'm so gratful for all of the help that we've received this year. But I'm so proud. It's hard for me to take and not be able to give.
Although I know I'm being taught a lesson, it's a lesson hard learned. I know that I'm supposed to take help when it's offered and take it with a smile. But I want so badly to pay it forward. One day I will. One day.
We're still waiting to hear from the hospital. We really should hear by this week. I just hope they haven't decided to take the week off. I'm not sure Jason will be able to wait that long.