"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." ~Randy Pausch

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Latest

Anna Grace

On Monday Anna was taking 80 breaths per minute (out of 100) on her own, so they took her off of the breathing tube to see how she could do. Most of the day on Tuesday she was fine, but by evening she was needing more assistance. She was taking 55 breaths on her own, so they decided to put her back on the breathing tube Tuesday night. They said it was not an emergency situation, but it's easier to put the tube in before it becomes an emergency. They held off of giving her a dose of medication that would help even more. It might be in the near future.

Another lab showed that she is slightly jaundice. Around 8:00 last night they put her under "the lights." They will be checking her blood again this morning to see if she'll need to remain. She looked really funny with the lights on and her little purple mask covering her eyes.

Jason is coming up this morning without Alli so that the two of us can be around when the doctors do their rounds. He was there for rounds yesterday and said that I would probably like to be there. He said it's a bit overwhelming because there are several doctors and nurses all around her little incubator. But they discuss my situation and hers and talk about everything that happened over night. We're going to get a notebook to keep by her bed to write down questions and answers that we have.

My Echo

My blood pressure and pulse were amazing on Monday night after delivery (112/72 and 88 bpm). They were even so good during dialysis yesterday that they didn't give me my blood pressure meds. My nephrologist said that the second after I delivered my heart felt less stress and he expected to see in my echo that it would go back to normal.

I had my repeat echo on Tuesday afternoon. When they decided to move me to the Cardiology floor instead of the postpartum floor I began to worry. But then the cardiologist came up to see me and she said the echo looked really good. Much, much, better she said. And the medicine they are giving me doesn't just treat the symptoms but also can help reverse any problems I'm having. She expects that my heart will be going back to normal. Not many doctors have called me "normal" in a long time. I'm so relieved!

Hormones and Emotions

I haven't had much sleep after delivery and it started to catch up with me last night. It's so strange to just sit down there with Anna and not hold her. So when I'm down there I feel like I'm not sure what to do. All I want to do is cry, which I guess is typical with all of these hormones. I had visitors last night and I'm sure I was terrible to them. Please know that I'm feeling stress and I'm not handling it well. Everyone here is being great, though, don't get me wrong. I think that once I can hold her more and we are told that her breathing is better then I'll start feeling better...


  1. Pregnancy hormones are terrible even if everything is perfectly normal after the birth. It is no wonder you are feeling stressed and want to cry. Quite honestly, I am amazed that you are holding up this well after all you guys have been through! Take care of yourself and know that Anna will grow like a weed in no time! We are constantly thinking and praying for your guys!

    Remember, we are here if you need anything at all. Don't hesitate to call.


  2. I'm sure the hormones are a large part of feeling sad, but, you are right, not being able to hold her is a biggie. Do you sing? If so, sing her some songs you know...hymns, children songs, pop songs, anything. And/or read to her, talk to her and tell her about Alli, Jason, family, your house, how things will be when she gets home. Anything for her to hear your voice and for you to be communicating with her. All the while, putting your hand on her somewhere to feel your touch. It will help both of you. Keeping you and the entire family in prayer!

  3. It's very hard not to be able to hold your baby!

    So glad to hear your heart is feeling significantly better.

  4. Oh the times I stood over the isolette and cried! Totally normal! You should be able to put your hands in and touch her, though, even if you can't hold her. I felt intimidated to ask, at first,I don't know why but eventually I'd just go in and put my hands on her first thing. And I know she knows you're there!